I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
