You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
