OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
