There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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