You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
