Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
