Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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