hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
