They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
