Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
