"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
