i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We need a shit load of segways right now
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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