....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
