Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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