Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
