he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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