just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
