I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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