The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
