Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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