I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I want to fling myself into the sun
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
