Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
