i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
All the doctor said was why
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
