Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
