I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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