Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
