Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
