I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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