I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
