; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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