Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
