just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
