i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
