I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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