And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
