It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
