YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
