...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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