after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize