is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
