I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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