I'm jealous of your bromance
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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