Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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