for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
