I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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