My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
