dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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