I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
