Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
