i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
