Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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