My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
