When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
