Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
