Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
my poor anus
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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