Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
