Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize