The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
