A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
