I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize