i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
