i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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