take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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