All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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