My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
either way he was missing a nipple.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
