I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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