we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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