I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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