I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
