Screwed.edu
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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