hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
